some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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