Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
