dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
