i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
