it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
