Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
pray to the hookup gods
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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