It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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