I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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