dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
