I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
