U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
