Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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