the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
