Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
