please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
