Ketchup is God's man juice
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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