Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
