just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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