My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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