I wish I only lived at night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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