whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
