What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
