dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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