they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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