I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We need to get me chipped asap
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
