You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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