That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he shaved USA in his pubs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
