sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
