the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
