Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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