I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
