the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
