he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
