im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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