The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
