I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
