Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
