he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
