About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
