the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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