well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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