fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
