i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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