I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
