i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
