It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
