She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
