college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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