your parents love me but you hate me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
