apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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