shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
