24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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