i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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