I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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